


You Were Like Starlight

by NightFire



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4780349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightFire/pseuds/NightFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Trespasser, Azrael Lavellan works to change the world for the better and sway the mind of the man she loves in order to save the world. However her time is limited as the mark spreads and can not be removed.</p><p>A short one-shot I did, because for some reason I want to kill my Lavellan to hurt Solas. Spoilers for the DLC of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Were Like Starlight

“I’ve slowed the marks spread, if you remove the arm as far as it has already spread soon, you will survive.” She kneeled frozen on the ground as he retreated. “Goodbye my love, I will never forget you.” He was nearly at the eluvian now, and Lavellan knew she was losing him again, so even as her heart broke anew, she called after him with determination:

“I will prove to you vhenan that just because it has changed, the world is no less than it was. You will change your mind!” His eyes clouded with grief as he turned away and disappeared through the rippling surface of the mirror. “...Even if I won’t be there when you do.”

For some time she simply stared at the now inactive portal memorizing every detail of Solas she could, before steeling herself for the conversation she would need to have with her friends. Finally she staggered to her feet and, cradling her left arm carefully as it sputtered and twitched, made her way back. 

When she came through the eluvian she was mobbed by Dorian and Cassandra who fussed over her wellbeing.

“What happened in there? We couldn’t come after you!” Cassandra scolded but her tone didn’t quite make it past worried into angry, as she looked her friend up and down for injuries.

“Why is the mark still misbehaving? Are you alright? Why isn’t Solas here? I thought you of all people could talk some sense into him.” Dorian placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and sent a wave of healing magic through her. It wasn’t his speciality, but he could sooth aches and minor cuts. Lavellan waved them off.

“I..I’m alright, but I would rather only have the conversation about what happened once, if it’s okay with you.”

“Broken and scarred. Old wounds reopened and aching. Why not in this world?” Cole fretted at her pain. “But it’s not the same now. You hurt, but less. A broken pot fixed with gold. Harder to break again.” The spirit boy smiled sadly as he read her plan in her thoughts. “You’re going to make it better.”

“I’m certainly going to try Cole.” Lavellan smiled back at him. “Now, how about we get out of here?”

..................

It was slow going winding back through the labyrinth of mirrors, and the party was tired and bloody as they came back into the Winter Palace. Lavellan politely asked Cassandra to gather the others and meet her in the improvised war room, before she ducked into her own room to change out of her grubby armor into her comfortable daily wear. When she arrived in the room, the inner circle was awaiting her with barely contained worry. She sighed and began to explain all she had learned. From how Solas was Fen’Harel, and had orchestrated the whole Inquisition and Corypheus business, to how he created the veil and was planning to remove it and destroy the world. She ended the explanation with the mark, and how he said to amputate where it had spread.

“Easy! We’ve got plen’y of sharp things around. Who needs a left hand anyway. Ya’ got two of ‘em.” Sera quipped wiggling her own two hands. Dorian squacked out a surprised “What?!” while the Iron Bull chuckled.

“I’d be happy to do the honors boss, if you need.”

“We’ll be having a proper surgeon do it, dear. A battle axe is no way to perform an operation.” Replied Vivienne coolly. 

The room dissolved into familiar chaos as the companions squabbled about what was the best way to amputate Lavellan’s arm. She coughed purposefully to draw everyone’s attention, and as they quieted down she gave them a broken smile.

“I’m afraid it’s not so simple.” She slowly removed her tall gloves and rolled up her sleeve, exposing the long network of green veins snaking up the entirety of her arm and under the shoulder of her shirt. “The mark has spread far further than Solas had anticipated.” Finally she unraveled her scarf and showed how the rift magic had climbed all the way up her neck and would soon crawl over her face. “I never knew how to to tell you all about this, but the mark has been killing me slowly since I shut the breach. There is no way to undo this, and I don’t know how much longer I have.”

Her inner circle was dead silent, before Josephine broke it with a muffled sob. 

“What did Chuckles say about it?” Varric asked solemnly. 

“I didn’t tell him. He said he couldn’t stop it, and I didn’t want to burden him further.” She looked sheepishly down at the now quite mark.

“You didn’t want...Maker’s breath Azrael, he wants to destroy the world! He’s completely crazy and yet you still worry about his feelings!” Cullen stared at her in astonishment before dissolving into muttered cursing.

“How can you be taking this so well? Amicus, you’re dieing!” Dorian had lost all pretense of his normal confident facade and looked at her with unshed tears in his eyes.

“I’ve had a while to think about this Dorian, and why should I worry about something I can’t change? Why be happy now, when you’re going to be sad later? Simply because you are going to be sad later and should take happiness where you can. This also leads into what I plan to do now. The inquisition will not disband yet. For as long as I can I’m going to travel Thedas and aid as many people as I am able with the help of the inquisition. We’re going to make the world a better place. Until I die this organization will be dedicated to healing and rebuilding. Then when I’m gone you will disband. Hopefully by then Solas will have been swayed enough to see the value of this world.”

..................

There was much debate as to whether they should simply try to hunt down Solas, instead of change his mind, but Lavellan was resolute that while she lived they would not hurt the man she loved. It was decided however that the condition of the inquisitor would be kept within the inner circle for as long as possible to avoid those that would try to take advantage of her. While her companions mostly went their separate ways, she always had a friend come with her on her travels. The inquisition truly became a purely charitable organisation, that spread prosperity and hope. From odd favors, feeding the hungry, housing the cold, and moderating debates and arguments Azrael Lavellan was always busy with something. She kept with her at all times two books. A journal of her travels that had been started with her time at the conclave and included everything from detailed descriptions of the places she saw, and what she did, to small pressed flowers. The second was a sketch book. In this she drew every happy moment she had, and all the people she met, along with their names and a description of them. There were pictures of breathtaking panoramas, the chargers making funny faces, Sera pulling pranks, games of wicked grace with Varric, the reunion of her clan, quiet moments under her brother’s tree, evenings spent watching the stars, and everything inbetween.

After a year and a half Lavellan could feel herself slowing down. Returning to Skyhold, she organized the inquisition, and wrote to her friends to come and visit for one last adventure. The mark had by then spread over her entire chest and half her face. Her sky blue eyes had become rift green, and the tree of her vallaslin was fractured, but she smiled widely at her friends when they all came to visit her bedside. Dorian again asked her how she could be taking this so well and she shook her head and explained. She was honestly terrified and angry. Who knows what happens when you die, and there was so much she still wanted to do with her life. That night she let herself cry and lash out at the injustice of the world with her friends close, and several bottles of alcohol closer. 

At the end of that week, Azrael knew she was done. Her breathing had become increasingly hard and it felt as if someone was slowly squeezing her heart. At the back of her journal she wrote her final entry and a message. With her friends all around her, she asked that the journal and sketchbook be given to Solas, before she breathed her last. Skyhold was heavy with grief as they buried Lavellan in the courtyard by the tree she had planted for her twin brother. The funeral ran late into the evening as the entire inquisition gathered to remember the best of their fallen leader with song and drink.

..................

Varric wandered away from the vestiges of the gathering. Most people had gone to bed either in their rooms, or where they had fallen unconscious from the booze, and the old castle was mostly silent. He came to his desk in the great hall and shuffled through the last few papers left there. It was a shame to leave Skyhold empty again he thought. Soon all the vestiges of the once proud group would be carted off, and the fortress would be turned over to a dalish clan that had lost their land. His fingers ghosted over the worn cover of Azrael’s journal and he sighed. They had been unable to contact Solas so far. Varric wondered angrily if the bastard had even cared about her passing. He was planning to kill them all anyway, so maybe he was glad that Lady Bird had died before so it wouldn’t be his fault.

“I believe you have something for me.”

Varric spun around and looked up at the familiar voice. Standing there was Solas. His armor was similar to what Varric had seen of the elves in Mythal’s temple except more decorative and a thick shawl of wolf fur. He looked regal, and far more imposing like this than he had been in his old hobo apostate look, but Varric could see how broken he truly was. Dark circles surrounded red eyes, and his shoulders slouched as if he carried so great a weight he couldn’t even straighten himself up.

“She wanted you to have these.” Varric said simply, handing over the books. “She always saw the best in you Chuckles. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so deeply in love as she was with you. Whatever your plan was, it wasn’t worth the price she paid for it.” Solas took the books slowly and ran his hand over the front of the journal in adoration, before giving Varric a jerky nod and walking away. Varric wasn’t sure whether the nod was to acknowledge that his plan was a terrible idea, or whether Solas was simply thanking him for the books. But he held a simple hope that perhaps Lady Bird had known what she was doing and that this might finally end things.

..................

Solas crossed through the eluvian in Skyhold and wandered listlessly through the crossroads. He didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. His goal had seemed so clear before, but now his mind was in chaos. He thought it would be easier to see her die. It meant she wouldn’t see him destroy everything, she would never see the monster that he truly was. Yet she would also never experience the world as it was meant to be. She could never see the wonder of the world combined with the fade. Never feel the rush of magic flow from her fingers, never see the grand library restored, never walk freely with spirits. There were so many never’s in her future because his magic had eaten away at her until she faded away. 

When he first got word from his spies that there was something wrong with the inquisitor he had brushed it off as a minor sickness, or wound. Then he learned she was truly dieing. For days he buried himself in research on the magic of the veil, desperate for a way to save her. He even snuck into Skyhold invisibly to sit by her bedside. She looked to frail and broken in those final days, yet never let herself succumb to her fear. She had been so strong, yet so gentle and full of boundless hope and kindness. She made friends wherever she went and her smiles were contagious. And she was gone.

He sank down onto a piece of broken rubble and looked down at the books in his hands. Flipping through the pages delicately he marveled at the contents. They were full of her. Everything she had seen and experienced. All her joys and fears laid out in flowing text, and gifted to him so that he might find the same joy in the world as she had. The final page caught his attention as instead of a date as the header, it appeared to be a letter addressed to him.

My dearest Solas,  
Not to be a cliche, but by the time you read this I will be dead. I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. Perhaps the magic was originally yours, but through the meddling of Corypheus and myself, it is a different entity than it was. I don’t blame you. I don’t even hate you, as many of the others do, even if it may seem I have more reason than most. It is simply that I will always love you ma vhenan. When I was younger it was always just me and my twin. We had friends of course, but we knew each other better than anyone else. People used to joke that we were really two parts of the same person. So when I lost him at the conclave I was adrift. Suddenly everyone was calling me the herald of a god I didn’t believe in, and my hand had some kind of magic I didn’t understand. You were the one person that made sense to me. Even if you weren’t dalish, you were an elf, you had so much of the information I had always craved, and you treated me like a normal person no matter how much other people tried to make me into more. You were my rock in the storm, and an amazing friend. It wasn’t so surprising that I would fall for you. It was however a shock when I learned you had fallen for me. Those months we spent together were the happiest of my life. Of course the break up was a shock. I thought maybe because I had refused to remove my vallaslin you found me ugly and stupid for wanting to be enslaved. Really however, my tree of Mythal has never tied me to any god. I received it to symbolise my connection with my clan, my heritage, and my brother. It means more now than it ever could have in the days of the ancient elves. Then you promised me answers, before disappearing into the night like a thief, running off with my heart. I tried to hate you, but really I couldn’t find it in myself to be angry, You had your reasons and eventually you would tell me. And in the end you did. While I was expecting bad news, it’s not everyday your ex-boyfriend shows up to tell you he is plotting to destroy the world and you need to cut off your arm. Nevertheless, I still loved you and I believe you still love me, so I decided to change your opinion. This journal and sketchbook are a record of all the amazing things in this world, and all the people that deserve to have the chance to decide their own fate. I hope it sways you to some degree, and if not I’ll be too dead to know (hahaha….that is a terrible joke, I’m sorry). I just want you to know Solas, Fen’Harel, Vhenan, that you were my starlight, so that even on the darkest nights, I could look up to your light for hope.  
I will never forget you,  
Azrael Lavellan

**Author's Note:**

> The title and last line are inspired by the Steam Powered Giraffe song Starlight, Starshine.  
> In case it was confusing Lavellan was friends with the entire inner circle, but especially close to Dorian. He calls her amicus, or friend in latin, not to be confused with amatus. For some reason Blackwall and Leliana didn't end up getting named in this, but they are there.  
> Thank you so much for reading, leave a like or comment if you think it was especially good.


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